Hogwarts Middle School
by Neemphadourah Tawncks
Summary: Hamari Thomas wakes up one day to go to her first day of eighth grade. When she gets there, something majorly wierd is going on, and she is the only one who seems to notice. What's wierd, you ask? I dunno, maybe the fact that all her teachers are Hogwarts
1. Homeroom Fun

Hogwarts Middle School  
  
By: Hurmynee  
  
Description: Hamari Thomas wakes up one day to go to her first day of eighth grade. When she gets there, something majorly wierd is going on, and she is the only one who seems to notice. What's wierd, you ask? I dunno, maybe the fact that all her teachers are Hogwarts Professors! How can anybody else not notice this, you ask? Hamari has no clue, but wants to get to the bottom of this very abnormal situation!  
  
Disclaimer: I own jack-squat, let alone an incorporation that has made more money than the Queen of England has! Or, if you want to be official, I am not JK Rowling; my name is Melony, I live in California, and I'm only 13 (Well, 14 in November, but that's besides the point) .  
  
Chapter One: Homeroom "Fun"  
  
Hamari Thomas woke up fairly early one Monday morning, earlier than she had all summer, and that's a pretty big deal, considering that she had been up every morning by nine o clock. She sat up for a second, brushing some of her black hair out of her face, which she noticed looked like it had been in a major brawl with her pillow, and went to lay back down, when she realised something when she looked at her clock; 'School starts in an hour and thirty!'.  
  
She jumped out of bed, and grabbed her hairbrush. After getting about halfway through with brushing her hair, she started knocking birthday cards off her desk (she had just turned 14 about a week beforehand) to look for her hairbands.  
  
During the summer, most all of the teachers had been fired due to a massive sort of wierd strike situation. Strangely, whoever wasn't fired either quit or got extremely sick, and that included the principal and the vice principal. Thus, Hamari was more excited about school than she normally was, wanting to see who the new teachers were.  
  
She ran downstairs after putting her hair into a braid and changing into some decent looking clothes to get breakfast.  
  
Well, and yell at her mom for not waking her up.  
  
|~-~-~-~|~-~-~-~|~-~-~-~|~-~-~-~|  
  
Hamari got out of her mom's black BMW bug, kissed her mom goodbye, and waited impatiently as her little brother Neillam got out of the car. He was to start sixth grade, while Hamari started eighth. When Neillam got out of the car, their mom drived off.  
  
"Well, Neillam, let's head off to our headrooms," Hamari said. "I have...Mrs.-"  
  
She stopped talking. 'No way,' she thought, 'there is no way she is my homeroom teacher...'  
  
"I have...Mr.-" he stumbled on the name slightly "-Qui-Quir-"  
  
She just couldn't take it at that point. "Let's just go, I'll check up on you after First Period"  
  
Hamari ran off to her first period. When she got there, she was very happy to see that there was no teacher there yet; just a few students. As she sat down, however, this changed. The door swung open, and a huge mass of pink smoke went through it. Then, a misty voice followed.  
  
"Welcome to the first day of the new school year."  
  
Hamari stared at the teacher in a slight bit of shock, and, what she thought was odd, was no one else was. The woman who emerged through the smoke had long curly black hair, and glasses that made her eyes look bigger than they were. And she was holding a crystal ball.  
  
Yes, scarily enough, the woman was Sibyll Trelawney.  
  
Trelawney sat down, and plopped her crystal ball right on the corner of the desk. She breathed in deeply, and then began to talk in her misty voice.  
  
"My name is Miss Trelawney. I wish, however, that you all would call me Sibyll. Or Sibby, if it better fits you. Now, I am going to tell all of you what your future holds. I see an assembly in all of your fu-Yes, Miss...?"  
  
"Thomas. And I just wanted to say that your psychic preminitions might work a tad bit better if your crystal ball wasn't plopped directly on the schedule for the day."  
  
Hamari had always wanted to say something witty to Trelawney. However, she usually expected at least one single person to give a slight giggle. Instead, everybody glared at her as if she was a freak of nature with a leg sticking out of her right elbow, and the girl behind her even kicked the back of her chair.  
  
However, 'Sibby' seemed to had not even noticed the bashing to her believeability.  
  
"I predict that this assembly will be after eighth period. I also see it being about some sort of muggle electives..."  
  
"A-HA! What does muggle mean?"  
  
Hamari again got stared at. Somebody threw a paper ball at her forehead, and when she opened it, it said, quote...  
  
Stop being a freak.  
This is the very first normal Homeroom teacher we've ever had  
STOP SCARING HER AWAY!  
Your beloved BFF-  
Toreen  
P.S. She's from Scotland; muggle means American in Scotland.  
Don't you read the introduction newsletters?  
Or your Scottish history book?  
  
Hamari stared. 'Normal? Trelawney is NORMAL! And Toreen is such a Harry Potter freak, you would think that she of all people...'  
  
Toreen was Hamari's best friend...for-etera! (BFF) ; they've known each other since Fourth grade, and are usually connected hip to hip reading Harry Potter and Harry Potter fanfiction...that they've written.  
  
Trelawney started up with her announcements again, and Hamari sat there thinking, 'Holy God what the frigg is going on?'  
  
After about twenty minutes of announcements, a word sucked Hamari back in.  
  
"Vice Principal Dumbledore is going to be in here in about three minutes, to get to know all of you. He wants to see all your lovely, pimpled faces. Or so I predict. During the assembly, you'll get to meet Principal Fudge..."  
  
The door opened, revealing Dumbledore. Except, he looked more like an art teacher than the usual Dumbledore. His beard was made into a weird goatee ponytail, a rubberband placed every five inches or so. The same was done with his hair. And he had no mustache. And his eyes were half masted, so they no longer looked over his half moon glasses.  
  
He looked stoned, to be totally frank.  
  
However, no one seemed to notice.  
  
"I have an announcement. Sadly, we couldn't get an art teacher, so I will be taking that position as well as vice principal. Not to get in your realm, Sibby, but I predict Art will have lots of tie-dye."  
  
As narrarator, I forgot to mention his outfit, didn't I? How dumb of me; he had a tie-dye tee shirt (blue, red, and black on white) and a pair of jeans...with tie-dyed pockets.  
  
Like I said, to be frank, he looked stoned.  
  
The class giggled at his tie-dye joke, and Hamari even noticed one girl looking at him dreamily. This caused Hamari to try not to get any mental images.  
  
Finally, the Homeroom hellhole finally ended, and Hamari nearly ran out. She went to go catch up with Neillam to see if he was okay.  
  
Neillam came out wearing a turban, and twitching slightly.  
  
Actually, he just came out twitching. But I had you for a second, didn't I?  
  
Hamari then ran off to go to her next class. She looked down at her schedule and nearly screamed.  
  
A/N: I've been really idea crazy lately. Read and Review, pretty please! 


	2. Two Fears Don't Make a Happy Second Peri...

Hogwarts Middle School  
  
By: Hurmynee  
  
Description: Hamari Thomas wakes up one day to go to her first day of eighth grade. When she gets there, something majorly wierd is going on, and she is the only one who seems to notice. What's wierd, you ask? I dunno, maybe the fact that all her teachers are Hogwarts Professors! How can anybody else not notice this, you ask? Hamari has no clue, but wants to get to the bottom of this very abnormal situation!  
  
Disclaimer: You are one sad being if you think I'm JK Rowling.  
  
Chapter Two: Two Fears Don't Make a Happy Second Period  
  
When we were last here, Hamari had looked down at her schedule and flipped out. And I can tell you why...  
  
Period Two - Algebra I, Mr. Snape  
  
It's all making sense now, isn't it?  
  
Hamari reenacted a twitchy little ferret as she walked to Algebra I. She was deathly scared of Algebra I, and being afraid of the teacher never helps.  
  
However, what she did get there to scared her more.  
  
Substitute Lockheart.  
  
There were pictures everywhere. All of Lockheart. They were still as stone, or at least trying to be. There was the occasional blink or wink or blown kiss towards one of the other pictures.  
  
Hamari sat down, and just opened the book and did a self taught session while waiting for the real Lockheart to come out and ridicule her. Everybody kept shooting her looks. Then, someone sat next to her.  
  
"What was up with you in Homeroom." Toreen said, pulling her book out from her bookbag.  
  
"Have you read Order of the Pheonix yet?" Hamari asked.  
  
"Yes...what does that have to do-"  
  
"What's the Divination teacher's name?"  
  
"You know, you've read the books...what does this have-"  
  
"I can't remember, could you tell me?"  
  
"Yea, it's Maureen Shepard." Toreen sighed.  
  
"No, Toreen, you're thinking of our homeroom teacher from last year!"  
  
Toreen sighed again. "No, our homeroom teacher from last year was Lily Potter, don't you remember?"  
  
Hamari sat shocked for a moment. 'Has Toreen totally lost her mind? Trelawney, not Shepard, Trelawney!' Hamari went to say something, and then Lockheart walked in. Hamari tried to hide herself from him, but something was making him look her way.  
  
Maybe it was the fact that she's been about 2 million plays for school and Lockheart considers that as fame.  
  
I'm using alot of dramatic spacing, aren't I?  
  
Well, you have to live through it.  
  
Lockheart walked up to his desk (which was covered with little pictures of him, of course) and began to speak.  
  
"Hello class. My name is Mr. Lockheart. Though, when my books, I go by Gilderoy, World Famous Underwear Model, Three Time Winner of 'CosmoGIRL!'s Hottest Centerfold', and has won the award The Smartest Underwear Model with a Peabrain eight years straight from 'Feminists With Horomones Magazine'.".  
  
He gives a huge smile, and the same girl who sighed at Albus sighed at Mr. Accomplishments. Hamari just started laughing, to the point she was crying. Toreen finally jabbed her with her elbow, making Hamari stop quickly, and try to make it so she's hidden.  
  
"What was so funny, Miss...?"  
  
"Thomas, and no one else saw the humor?-"(Everybody in the classroom shook their head)"-COME ON! You're proud that you're an underwear model, and that you have a peabrain, and that only teenagers and feminists think your sexy?"  
  
"Why, yes I am, and I still don't know what's so funny!"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
Lockheart continued with the class as if no laughing was emitted. Toreen handed her a note. It read; "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU TODAY! BEING AN UNDERWEAR MODEL IS A MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT, ESPECIALLY FOR A MAN! SOMETIMES THEY CAN'T FI-"  
  
At that point she stopped reading. She wrote her own note back; "If you were trying out to be an Algebra Substitute, would you include that you were an underwear model and that you had a peabrain?"  
  
Toreen just glared at her after recieving the note, and just started paying attention to the lesson.  
  
Hamari sat and thought for a few minutes, when she was called on by Lockheart to give an answr to a question.  
  
"Sorry, brain had a blackout, what's the question?"  
  
"What is my favorite brand of underwear to model?"  
  
"Calvin Klein, cause everything fits," she said sarcastically.  
  
"Correct! Here are ten homework points."  
  
Homework points are the school currency; you can use them to buy weekends without homework, but that takes about 75 of the points. Hamari stared in shock, then asked for a bathroom pass when she got a mental image of Lockheart in Calvin Klein undies.  
  
She spent the rest of the class period in the bathroom, trying to figure out why the teachers are book characters, and how many bricks it would take to break the bathroom window so she could escape.  
  
A/N: Whee. For some reason, underwear model had a nice *brrrrrriiiiiiiiiiinnnnnng* to it. R&R! 


End file.
